Three lies that keep you from being happy – Prize draw


While I was enjoying my breakfast on my terrace this morning, I continued to read a very helpful book about self-love and found the following aspects that I want to share with you now. In my opinion those are the main reasons that keep most of us from being happy.

We say them and think them as if they were unshakeable truths, but in reality they are just lies. We lie to ourselves.

As one of my greatest wishes is to help as many people as I can to open their eyes, so that they can finally make themselves as happy as they deserve to be, I would like to give this book as a present to all of you. But first of all, it only exists in German and second, I would not be able to do it logistically and financially. But I had another idea: I will award four people among all of you who leave a comment below this post with a book. I’ll explain the procedure at the end of this article.

Back to the main topic: Do you happen to use one of the following sentences when it comes to taking care of you and loving yourself?


1. “I don’t have time for this!”

This is the sentence I hear the most often when I suggest to other people to take more care of themselves, to do some exercises to develop self-love or to just take some time for themselves. Stefanie Carla Schäfer, the author of the book mentioned above, gets to the heart of it when she writes, that this sentence means in reality: “Everything else is more important to me than my own needs.“ So when you say or think this sentence the next time, remember what you are really saying. It only depends on you to take time for yourself and to consider yourself important enough. Why don’t you start right now, to prove yourself that this sentence is a lie? Take at least 15 minutes for yourself today. How does it feel? Organise your weekly planning and add some time for yourself as often as you can (best would be every day). Your inner peace, your serenity and your health will be very grateful!

2. “But I don’t want to be selfish!”

When I started my therapy and told people that I was learning to take better care of myself and to put myself first, they reacted quite indignantly. They said things like: “It cannot be a solution that from now on you will only take care of yourself.” But I never said that I wanted to take care only of myself. Self-love is often confused with narcissim and selfishness. A big mistake, that results in the fact, that people, who want to be good, sacrifice themselves for others until they run out of power. In the end they feel frustrated and blame others that they do not pay enough attention to their needs. The truth is that they are the ones that did not take care of their needs. Stefanie Carla Schäfer gives a nice example: “Before each flight we are told that in case of a pressure loss we have to put on our own oxygen mask before we can help children or other passengers.” That’s how it works with self-love as well. The more you watch out for yourself  and your needs, the more you will be able to help people around you. So whenever you feel guilty while giving yourself a treat or taking some time for yourself, just remember that it also serves your loved ones because you’ll have more power to be there for them when they need you. Self-love is about taking care of yourself and the others.

3. “I don’t deserve to be loved.”

Whether consciously or unconsciously, in many of us this sentence has devastating consequences for our happinness. Even if we find people who want to shower us with their love, we won’t believe them and risk putting them off with our lack of confidence. I compare that to a woman who thinks that she’s too fat. People can tell her a thousand times that she looks great, but she will only believe it, when she thinks herself that it is true. When I was a teenager I always thought that my tummy was too big and I started to have serious complexes about it. Recently, I found some old pictures and thought that they were photoshoped. I saw that I actually had had a beautiful figure at that time and I felt sad that I was not able to see that for such a long time.

If you feel that this sentence exists inside you try to trust the people around you who love you and try to accept their love. Try to imagine that it was true, that they really love you that much and observe how you feel. Stefanie Carla Schäfer recommends: „To have access to self-love – to find a start – it helps to surround yourself with caring and affectionate people. When other people treat you nicely, it will be easier to do so yourself. Warm and loving people will melt the ice and can help to break down old walls of self-rejection.“ Avoid people who make you feel bad and look for people who make you feel that they sincerely appreciate you. You can also repeat the L’Oréal advertising slogan – in your mind or even better spoken out loudly: Because I’m worth it!

Photo 130

And because you’re worth it to me I thought up a small prize draw for you.

Prize draw

I will award four people among all of you who will leave a comment concerning this topic, their own experience or their opinion below this article (in the different languages) until August 23, 2016, 3 pm with one of my favourite books about self-love. Depening on the language of the winners, those will be different books because I have a favourite book in each language and they do not always exist in the other languages.

I will draw the winners unprofessionnally in the following way: I will write the names of all the people who left a comment about the topic on small papers that I will mix up in a bowl. Then I will draw four of them (the people who left comments below the other versions of this post in French, Spanish or German will be in the same bowl because we all form a big community).

I will announce the lucky winners on the evening of August 23 2016 on my Facebook page and in this post.

I will pay the books myself. That is why I cannot raffle more of them. Of course, my idea is not based on complete selflessness, because I want to breathe a little bit of life in my Flohbair-Blog. So I decided to seduce you with this prize draw to motivate you to leave some comments and exchange about this important issue ;)

I am very curious if it works.

I will cross the Alps for the next two weeks. When I am back, I will answer your comments, announce the winners and tell you my experience in the mountains.

Virtual hugs,


These are the winners. Congratulations





D. Boekhouver


2 Kommentare, sei der nächste!

  1. Hi Elisa,

    I think self love is very underestimated nowadays. I really agree that people see it as a selfish act, but in reality it’s the opposite. Only when I take care of myself and my wellbeing I can properly care for others!

    I have to admit that as much as I try to be aware of self love, it’s hard to keep up if you have a busy schedule. Nonetheless, self love is very rewarding when I take time for it. And it can be the smallest thing! For instance, laying in the hammock after a long day while listening to my favorite radio podcasts (This American Life, Modern Love, and Dear Sugar) is how I can really enjoy me time! Other times it’s taking my dogs to the coast for a relaxing walk full of salty ocean air.. And just breathe!

    Thank you for this blog post because you can never be reminded too much to love yourself!

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